Today's wise...... :)

Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. – Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today.  It means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share. May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!

This is so true… Whether people like to see it through their own eyes or not, you can be the only person to live in your shoes. If you are succeeding slowly but surely, EMBRACE IT!

I feel like deployment has made me as a person, a work in progress all over again. Not that deployment is over yet, but since half way, it feels like a downhill battle from now on! One thing I learned through out this experience is that everyone will handle deployment in their own ways. There is no advice on what to do that will make ALL the pain go away. People will judge. People will say you are wrong. People will admire you. People will be there for you. The most important thing, is that you are there for yourself. 

Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

Move to base :)

In 38 days, I will be moving into OUR NEW HOME! I am so exciiiiited. I am excited especially because, even though Garrett has not returned home from deployment, I will get to live in a piece of his life. Deployment definitely isn't the same when you are living outside of your own! I can't wait to be in our loving home that I can call ours! 

New up....

I have found my new up when I am feeling down! This site- http://www.marcandangel.com/ is amazing!  

They have so many different kinds of helpful writings to read no matter what it is that has made you upset. I especially love the 99 stories that will make you cry! 

How did I go on for so long without knowing this site!?!

Some future telling for deployment newbies :)

I came across this tonight and it was extremely accurate! Had to share...

EMOTIONAL CYCLE OF DEPLOYMENT

Getting ready for a deployment starts long before the spouse actually leaves. Many people tend to:
a) Ignore/deny that the deployment will actually happen.
b) Fantasize that the ship will sink or plane will break before the soldiers get on it, or that something will happen so their spouse does not have to leave.
c) Try to avoid the recognition of the reality of departure - that a small event, a date or a commonplace happening will trigger an emotional and/or cognition of the fact that the departure is imminent and real.

Thus the cycle begins:

STAGE ONE
- ANTICIPATION OF DEPARTURE

- from 1-6 weeks prior to leaving, people may experience:

1) Difficulty accepting the reality of leaving or separating
2) Crying unexpectedly at "silly' things-- allow this to happen as it is essential to release the varying emotions
3) Feel an increase of tension, arguments may occur
4) A cramming in of activities/projects-- fixing up the house, lawn mower, washing machine, etc.
5) Experiencing feelings of anger, frustration and emotional distance between a couple
6) Some couples dent the separations likely occurrence by putting off the chores, discussions, etc., not facing the inevitable, procrastinating on projects
7) Difficulty in intimacy and sexual relations. It is hard to feel warm and loving when feelings angry at each other. Some say "It's easier just to let him go," or an increase in activities such as hanging on, or fearing the loss of lover/support person may occur
8) Symptoms of restlessness, irritability, anxiety, feeling an inability to cope and concern about the changes in the home environment that will occur
9) A sense of panic even though good plans have been made and most of the chores done

STAGE TWO
- DETACHMENT AND WITHDRAWAL

- Last week before departure- A difficult stage where some people may experience:

1) A sense of despair
2) Feeling the marriage is out of control, feeling a desire to separate, to run away to lessen the pain
3) A lack of energy, feeling so fatigue, depression
4) Difficulty in making decisions or keeping self together
5) Ambiguous towards one's partner and sex. It is difficult to be physically intimate when trying to separate emotionally. This should be viewed as a reaction to deployment rather than rejection of each other
6) A stopping of sharing of thoughts and feelings

***Remember these feelings and events are normal- your relationship is not generally breaking up or going down the tubes. Though you are both together in the same house, you are mentally and emotionally preparing for the separation. This is a necessary adjustment to reality.

Sometimes wives think "If you have to go, go" and the husband thinks "Let's get on with it so we can get it over with." Or vice versa depending on which spouse is leaving. Everyone will survive this stage!!!

STAGE THREE
- EMOTIONAL DISORGANIZATION

- Begins at the start of separation and can last up to 6 weeks into deployment. Partners of experience:

1) Shock when the deployment finally arrives, a feeling that preparation has not been adequate
2) An initial sense of relief that the pain of saying goodbye is finally over, may be followed by feelings of guilt and emotional turmoil- "If I love him, why am I relieved he's gone?"
3) Feeling numb, aimless and without purpose as old routines have been disrupted and new ones have not been established
4) Depression and the desire to withdraw from the world, family, and friends, especially if friends' husbands are home
5) Feeling of being overwhelmed by responsibility and trying to be everything and do it all
6) Sleep disruption- due to loss of security and the support person; tendency to sleep too much (to escape) or too little. Eating disorders may also come to light, or become worse
7) Feeling anger at the husband for not doing everything that needed to be done around the home fro safety/security reasons
8) Feeling anger towards the military for taking spouse away when you needed him/her the most
9) Felling restless, confused, disorganized, indecisive, and irritable at everyone, especially the children
10) Feeling guilty for things that did not (or did) happen before separation

***Getting "stuck" at this stage can create an unwillingness to move on emotionally and can be detrimental to healthy adjustment

STAGE FOUR
- RECOVERY AND STABILIZATION

- Variable between weeks 3-5- For most people, begins several weeks and lasts until about a month before return. Most people begin to:

1) Realize at some point, usually by midway in the deployment, that "Hey, I'm doing OK."
2) Establish a new family pattern that works for them
3) Feel more comfortable with their situation , self, and the reorganization of roles and responsibilities
4) Complete successful experience, which ass to self-confidence and feeling of being able to cope
5) Reach out for support though friends, church, work, wives groups, etc.
6) Eat "cruise food" to save time/energy and to choose priorities- let some things go to have more time
7) Have higher long distance telephone bills- but must learn to keep within budget
8) Go thought the "my syndrome- my house, my car, my kids, etc.
9) Appear more mature and independent as "single" wives- you have developed new activities, accepted more responsibilities to fill the void- while secure in being married
10) Experience more sickness, initially, as increased responsibilities are more stressful until healthy coping skills are practiced
11) Feel vulnerable due to isolation from the husband and even family. Wives may feel uncertain of their abilities and may experience self-doubt
12) Feel asexual- no longer in need of sex or affection- or feel estranged due to suppressed needs and desires. Some women see themselves as unattractive and stop caring for themselves
13) Minor crisis can put person back into the disorganization stage

STAGE FIVE
- ANTICIPATION OF RETURNING

- About 4-6 weeks prior to spouse coming home, people begin to feel a sense of anticipation "He's coming home and I'm not ready!"

1) Compile a long list of things still left to do and begin to pick up the pace to get things done
2) Experience feelings of joy, excitement in anticipation of the spouse's return and being together again
3) Experience feelings of fear and apprehension. "Does he still love me?" "Will he have changed?" "Will he have like what I've done?"
4) Clean house of activities required to fill the void- now- to make room for the man again. Some resentment may be felt at having to give up some of the things and having to change again
5) Experience process of evaluating- "I want him back but what am I going to give up?"
6) Feel tense, nervous and apprehensive- burying fears/concerns in busy work and activities
7) Experience a sense of restlessness again but it is generally productive. Some spouses may feel confused due to the conflicting emotions they are having
8) Put off important decisions until the husband's home gain
9) Experience changes in eating and sleeping patterns developed while the spouse was gone
10) Children also go through a range of emotions and react to the temperament of the parent

STAGE SIX
- RETURN ADJUSTMENT AND RENEGOTIATION

- First 6 weeks home- The return to home and family stage. The husband and wife are back together physically but are not emotionally adjusted to being together. They still may feel distance and have trouble sharing decisions or talking to each other. Be patient, this stage will take time to complete.

The husband and wife:
1) Need to refocus on the marriage- share experiences, feelings and needs and avoid forcing issues on each other
2) May stop being "single" married spouse and start bering married again
3) May feel a loss of freedom and independence- feel disorganized and out of control as "deployment" routines are disrupted
4) Need to renegotiate roles and responsibilities. Husbands often feel isolated, unwanted, unneeded, which can cause arguments and hurt feelings for both partners
5) Need to be aware that too much togetherness can cause friction due to having been apart so many weeks/months
6) Need to begin to share the decision-making hat should be "their" decision
7) Need to increase their time to talk together and with the children. They may want to plan special activities of short duration as a couple and as a family.
8) Will need to progress slowly with desired sexual relations, which may fall short of expectations. This can be frightening and produce intense emotions. Wives may feel like husband is a stranger and can be hesitant at first about intimate relations.
9) Need ot allow sufficient time to court each other before true intimacy can occur
10) May find questioning threatening and see their partner as being judgmental not just curious
11) May miss the friends that helped them through the separation or who served with them during the deployment

STAGE SEVEN
- REINTEGRATION AND STABILIZATION

- Sometimes within 6-12 weeks after homecoming, wives have stopped referring to "my" car, house, kids, and returns to using "we" or "our" and husbands feel more at home, needed, accepted, and valued.

1) New routines have been established and adjusted to by the family.
2) Both partners are feeling more secure, relaxed, and comfortable with each other.
3) The couple and family are back on track emotionally and can enjoy warmth and closeness with each other and their children

It takes a big heart to love from across the world....

And big doesn't break easy.

Military Spouses <3

1. You wear old sweatpants and sweatshirts to bed.

2. You can watch whatever you want on TV without arguing with him first

3. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail.

4. You sleep with your cell phone incase he calls in the middle of the night.

5. You love watching cute love movies because it reminds you of all the cute things he does when he's home.

6. You haven't shaved your legs in weeks.

7. The mailman knows you because you are always out waiting for him to come.

8. You start paying close attention in class when the words "military" or "iraq" are mentioned.

9. You suddenly have an obsession with anything military related.

10. You see someone wearing an army, navy, or usmc shirt and you get this overwhelming urge to talk to them.

11. You make friends with strangers online just because they are in the same situation as you and are the only ones that can truly understand what you are going through.

12. You can't decide what to wear when you meet him at the airport because his flight comes in at a ridiculous hour in the morning and you want to look cute, but not too cute, because your cutest outfit you want to save for your first full day together.

13. Your first Christmas together is... apart.

14. You find yourself checking your e-mail every fifteen minutes.

15. You know all the time differences between where you are and Iraq, Ireland, Kuwait, Italy, Germany, Korea, and every state in the U.S.

16. The highlight of your day is getting a letter that was mailed a month ago.

17. And if you don't get a letter, the highlight of your day is writing him a letter that you know he will be able to read in a month.

18. You realize that HOMECOMING is so much more than a football game.

19. You want to hit any happy couple you see together

20. You get excited about "unknown" phone numbers calling you.

21. You've exhausted every idea a brain could have of what to put in a box.

22. You see a "support our troops" sticker on a car when you are stuck in traffic and you find yourself guessing about who they know that is deployed and thinking about their entire life story.

23. When the clock says 11:11, you find yourself wishing for the same thing every time: a call from your soldier.

24. You get excited when its only 5 months until you see your Soldier instead of 7!

25. You can't stand girls that talk about missing their boyfriends who live a few hours away. You just want to yell "drive and go see them them" because if you had the chance, you would jump on the first plane to go see your soldier no matter how far it is.

26. You don't know what teams are on top for football, basketball, etc.

27. You wouldn't dream of walking out of the house without the cell phone and every number you have is forwarded to that cell.

28. You find yourself randomly crying from just looking at a picture of the two of you together.

29. You find yourself randomly crying and you sometimes have no idea why.

30. You stay on the internet for hours searching for anything and everything about the military.

31. You talk to your friends about him so much that they know his full name, birthday and even his favorite color.

32. You find yourself speaking in acronyms (that no one other than you and he would understand).

32. You are reading this and smiling and nodding because you know it's so true

DIY Bridal Gift #1

Many of my bridal party are traveling to come out the wedding, so I have decided to put together a little "guide in a jar"! 

I decorated the jar with ribbon and letters of the girl's names.

And then I stuffed it with nail polish for the wedding day, a notepad, CHOCOLATE, and a small card with discount info on bridal party dresses where I bought my gown!

Then I clothespinned an envelope containing the "guide". I am doing one color, same length any style. The homemade card included and inspirational and appreciative note, recommended travel dates, material sample of color, hair/ nail/ shoes info, theme, and bachelorette festivities :)

MASTERPIECES. 

Judge Much?

I’m not sure what it is with people lately, and their acts to judge people. I can honestly say that anyone in my life that I have chosen to part from, has been because they personally gave me a reason to not want the shame on me when they go for round 2. You never know what a person is going through, and you can’t be the one to judge… Especially when you don’t know anything. Important things in my life stay personal. I know there are times when I am not myself because of events/ scenarios I am in, but God has blessed me with amazing friends and family who don’t judge me. And when I say don’t judge me, I mean; don’t assume what is taking place in my life and act as if I am wrong for acting the way that I do. 

Shame on people who do otherwise. And shame on the way I witness how they make people feel…

Exactly why I am honest and blunt… Those people filter themselves right on out of my life and I am left with a positive :)