The dreadful line...

One of the most important things I am learning through this deployment is our fine line between what to and what not to communicate. And by that, I do not mean lie about, I mean what to not make him stress over. It is hard when I am here and I can’t see what is happening there. I don’t know what his work schedule is. I don’t know how many people lied to him today. I don’t know what he had to re-do because the first plan didn’t work. All I can see is what I am going through. And how I don’t have that physical support that I am used to. He isn’t here to help me buy my new car. He isn’t here to help me with my medical issues when he is the best person to take care of me when I am sick! And worst of all, I am not there for him! I told him tonight that I feel upset over a our last conversation, and I wanted to share his “deployed insight” of why he may not be as verbally supportive.  

“im sorry kobie. i know your doing a good job. i have nothing to worry about back home and its all because you are on top of everything. im so proud of you and so amazed by what you do. im not used to having to say it tho. i dont say it at work because we are just asked to do our job. we dont get praised here and im in work mode all the time because thats my main job right now. im sorry that it seems like im ignoring what your doing but im not. i tell my friends all the time how much you do for me and how much you care. your all i talk about over here”

I am so glad the person I have to share my life with, is someone I can talk to and grow with from our conversations rather then let things linger and worsen! Yet again I have realized I was way before crossing that line, and I probably should have told my hubs a while ago before a problem occurred :) Still learnin that line!

Random fact of my day: 

If you are too hydrated, it could give you trouble sleeping! I always have trouble sleeping. Usually I take ambien because I need the push. Today I read that cherry juice contains melatonin. For those who don’t know what melatonin is, it is a hormone that helps you sleep :) A natural way is always a better way because you can train your body by using it’s full potential with no addictions! 

Thankful :D

I am currently watching “Sleeping With The Enemy”, which is reminding me what I wanted to write about tonight. This last week, I have been around people who are have a series of unfortunate events happening in their lives. It makes me so thankful for my life and how everything is turning out. Everyone has their problems. Mine are definitely manageable! I complain a lot when Garrett is deployed (what wife doesn’t), but I know everything is going to be okay! We might not have 20 thousand dollars in our savings account (which I think is still not enough to save for a kid!), but we will be okay! We both have jobs, we have a very loyal relationship, we are planning a special wedding exactly how we want it to be, everything with my health is only getting better, my treatments are successful!!!, we get to buy my new car with no problems, and we always have a roof/ tent (LOL) over our heads :). 

That being said, I am quite thankful for the life I am living and the opportunities I have! 

And of course the love that puts a smile on my face :) Made it halfway! The rest should be downhill!

Post melt down ramble...

It’s relaxin time!

I feel like today I was ran through the washing machine! I want to say that deployment is mentally exhausting. I literally shut my brain down as of four hours ago. I am tired of talking to people, tired of handling accounts with a power of attorney, tired of work stress, tired of apartment shopping… I think it’s safe to say, I am tired! 

What helps when this happens? A great nights sleep! An ambien induced sleep! Since it’s hard to sleep with things on your mind (and a military wife’s mind is never at ease), I like to use sleep aids so the next day, I am stronger and able to handle bigger situations at a more relaxed time. 

I am so excited to soon be signing our lease to our new apartment! No more staying with family for deployment! Just Garrett and I, and Duke of course ;) We get to make our own plans. We get to live how we want to. We run everything about our lives. 

Thinking about Garrett tonight. Thinking about the romantic things I wish I had when he was here and I was spoiled. Thinking about the time I had a medical situation with medicine that made it not possible to drink alcohol. That night Garrett came home with a bottle of magicale that he had to walk into Disneyland to get… and I was mad because he wasn’t paying attention to my issue -______-. Man I sure would kill to go back to that night! 

Deployment has taught me more than enough… but one thing I will never forget, is too take advantage of our moments together! 

Thinking of you tonight 

We took so many pictures! But I will never have enough! 

<3